


love, firefly

by arxhabaki (sprinklednana)



Series: rewrites ♡ [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, bokuakakurotsukki being bffls, endgame kurotsukki, kei being the softest boy, no one gets hurt i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprinklednana/pseuds/arxhabaki
Summary: Six letters for the six boys Kei has loved before.Kind, beautiful, and unbelievablyperfectKoushi Sugawara, with his smile that could light up the world; Keiji Akaashi, who understands Kei’s heart better than probably even Kei himself; The sweetest, most loyal best friend, Tadashi Yamaguchi, who he had too big a baggage with,unopenedanduntouched; Invincible and untouchable Kageyama Tobio, who moved together with him in parallel lines; Koutarou Bokuto who threw his heart as hard as he can and ran after it; And finally— Kuroo Tetsurou who makes Kei feel, no matter how many written letters and how many spoken words, like it’s never quite enough.(or five love letters to all the boys Kei has let go of and one love letter to the boy Kei will never be able to)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sugawara Koushi/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, side BokuAka - Relationship, side Daisuga - Relationship, side ushiguchi
Series: rewrites ♡ [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756798
Comments: 25
Kudos: 305





	love, firefly

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love, Nana](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437011) by [sprinklednana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprinklednana/pseuds/sprinklednana). 



> inspired by one of my old fics and i loved writing this so much :(
> 
> this is loosely based on my life lmao i was really emotional writing this the first time around but rn it does feel more like i'm really letting go. it feels good. 
> 
> this is actually the fic that makes me want to hide from my irls the most bc anyone who knows me would Know exactly who i'm talking about in these letters lolfnesgkdf
> 
> I would really really appreciate it if you leave kudos and comments. It would mean a lot to me <3

02/14/2013

Dear Suga-kun,

I always knew it was never going to be you and me. You were one of Nii-san’s closest friends, and we both knew how much of an overprotective brother he could be. 

Even if you were _perfect, beautiful, smart, polite, athletic, and kind_ Koushi Sugawara. Even if you were always so nice to me, even before anyone in school besides Tadashi knew my name. Even when I was just your friend's weird little brother at best and just another kid in the local park on normal days. Even when I was all bones and knees and scratches and bruises and choked back laughter. It was never going to be you and me.

I guess it was fine with me, the way we are. Or _were_. It’s more than fine, actually. That you treated me like family for most of the time. That you and Nii-san protected me from the bullies when I was far too foul mouthed and far too thin to protect myself. That you let me be in your little circle before my own little group found me. That you continued to look out for me even when I got a full head taller than you already.

It’s quite out of character for me to write a letter such as this one. And you know that too, better than most. The softer side of honesty has never been one of my strongest suits, but I think it’s fine, if the letter is for you.

You were my first kiss, Koushi-kun. And it didn’t matter that you were 13 and I was 11. It didn’t matter that it was messy and quick and hidden behind that big tree in the village playground. My heart raced for hours at the thought that we could’ve gotten caught. I know yours did too. Because you were always sweet and innocent in that way. It didn’t matter that even as young kids, we _knew_ it was never going to be you and me.

I will always be grateful to you. I’m not sure if you’re my first love, but I’d still be glad if you were. You gave me happy memories, Koushi Sugawara. I see how you look at the captain of the volleyball team. I hope he sees you the way that I did. The way I still do. I hope it’s going to be you and him.

**(EDIT 02/26/2020: I think a part of me will always think the sun shines out of your ass. It's your smile, I think. I'm glad it was you and Daichi Sawamura. I'm glad you found your perfect fit, Koushi-kun, because you deserve nothing less.)**

Love,

your and I quote “little firefly.” always.

03/07/2017

Dear Akaashi-san,

Before you start overthinking in the very unlikely case that you do get a chance to read this, I’m going to tell you right now that you’re not the only one I wrote a letter to. You’re always the one who remains calm and collected between the four of us (which isn’t really much of a feat for other people considering that two of that four are Koutarou and Tetsu, but I’m part of that four too, and I pride myself in doing a good job at keeping calm), but I know you worry a lot. 

Your letter is actually one of the easier ones to write, if I’m being honest. Maybe because I don’t really love you, in that way? I’m sure you’re not offended, because you’ve always been one of the most intelligent people I know. And you always seem to understand my feelings, even before I do.

I’m sort of losing my whole point, but here it goes, I guess.

I think you’re one of the most beautiful boys I’ve ever seen. And I hope you know how much that means considering I’ve known Koushi Sugawara all my life and we’ve been hanging out with Tetsu and Kou almost every day now. I’m sure more than half of the student body agrees with me. 

It’s your eyes, I think. And the way you carry yourself with confidence. And your hair. And the way you smile that rare _slow_ smile of yours, honestly do you want half of the school dead?

You were always so untouchable. So _unattainable_. In that pretty and ethereal way of yours. 

We never talked before Tetsu and Kou approached me that one day, and I don’t know if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me, but sometimes, before the four of us ever started hanging out, we meet eyes in the school canteen or in the corridors and there’s just... _something_ , you know? 

I can’t explain how you look at me, but it’s different. If my mind isn’t fucking with me, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you look at anyone that way. Not as intimate as the gazes you dedicate solely to Kou and a little more than the friendly fond looks you give Tetsu.

Did I used to look at you like that too? 

Sometimes, I think I did. Why did we do that? Did you have something to say to me then?

We’ll never get to know now, can’t we? Sometimes I feel like we could’ve been something more. We could’ve been something great. If we had really stopped walking and not just slowed down whenever our eyes met.

You and Kou were still just friends then and he was on girlfriend #3, I haven’t fallen in love with Tetsu yet, and Tadashi had just begun flirting with Ushijima.

Maybe, in the back of our minds, we knew that we could be something and just didn’t want it? I don’t think either of us was ready for something. Maybe that’s why we chose to not be something.

You weren’t my what if, Keijii. You were my _what the fuck was that_. In a good way, I promise.

But you were one of the best friends I’ve ever made as well. So maybe it doesn’t really matter whether we find out what happened between us back then, if there ever was _something._

I love you and Kou. Like _family._ You, Kou, Tetsu, and I… we’re going to love each other for the rest of our lives, aren’t we?

**(EDIT 07/21/2022: Your last year in school, the one we spent after Tetsu and Kou graduated... I hope you know that year wasn't any less precious to me, no matter how much more quiet and uneventful it was. I love you the way you are, Keiji. We all do. Thank you for making Testu and I your best men in the wedding. I'm sorry we broke our promise that we wouldn't cry. It was Tetsu's fault, I swear.)**

Love,

Hotaru

6/01/2017

Dear Tadashi,

This perhaps, will be the most difficult letter I have ever had to write. Where do I even begin? Do I start with you being my best friend or do I start with you being my biggest what if?

There was never just one thing about you. It was _everything_. You easily became one of my best friends in such a short amount of time. You know me better than almost everyone else, even the ones I’ve known for all of my life. You just understand too well. Everything I say, and everything I don’t.

And maybe in the end that’s the reason why we never really happened. Because we understood too well, even without words.

Maybe it could’ve been you and me. If we met at a different time or maybe if we had met at a different setting. Maybe if my love for you wasn’t too big and too intense and too strong, I could’ve had enough courage to face it. Maybe if you were a little less important to me, I could’ve taken the risk. 

But you were, Dashi. Outside of my family, _you_ were the most important person to me, in so many ways. My love for you, albeit more platonic than it ever was romantic, _was_ too big, too intense, and too strong. I would never have enough courage to face it. And there’s no chance in this universe that I’d ever be able to risk losing you. So it didn’t become you and me.

We never said the words. And it’s funny that I can’t even write it properly here. But I understood, and I know you did too. I can see it in the way you look at me. I’m sure it’s the same way I look at you.

We spent too many times walking to school and back to our respective homes, taking our precious time, talking about anything and everything. We spent so much time around each other that I almost forgot what it was like to not have you around.

We spent too many nights in each other’s arms, even if we will never admit this to anyone else. I know what your neck smells like. I know what it feels like to tangle my legs with yours. I know the rhythm of your heartbeat. I know how warm the skin above your ribs are. I know where it tickles. _I know_.

I know what your voice sounds like when you’re sleepy and when you’ve just woken up.

I know you have that tingling feeling in the back of your mind telling you to kiss me because I feel it too. All the time. I want to ask you why you never did, but I’ve always known the answer. It’s the answer to every single question we refused to ask.

We weren’t ready to risk losing each other back then, Dashi. I don’t think we’ll ever be ready.

I’m happy for you. I can feel you creating space between us, and I respect that. We have too much unopened baggage between us. I understand. I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you’ve found Ushijima. I’m happy that you’ve finally found someone you are willing to commit to. I’m happy you found someone you can risk with.

Maybe the distance between us right now is necessary. Maybe it was right that we kept our feelings in a box. Maybe it was always going to be like this. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’ll always be my biggest what if, Tadashi.

**(EDIT 04/18/2022: Years after and I'm still not ready to lose you. I know neither are you. Which is perfectly fine, because we never have to lose each other. I'm always going to be here for you, just like you are for me. I see how happy you are right now, Dashi, and I wish for nothing but you to keep that happiness)**

Love,

Your best friend who misses you more than anything

**(EDIT 04/18/2022: This still applies even when we just had coffee with Toshi the other day. I'm going to miss you forever)**

8/23/2018

Dear Kageyama Tobio,

First of all, _fuck you_. from the bottom of my heart. I can just imagine you having that silly frown wrinkling your forehead the moment you even receive this damn letter. 

I’ll have you know that I am being forced into writing this, and if you feel the need to pretend this never existed and set fire to this piece of paper, then by all means, feel free to do so.

You were a good distraction. And I know you wouldn’t get hurt by me calling you that because I was a good distraction for you too. I know the stories about you, Tobio. It’s okay, I don’t really care. I guess you never did either.

Despite the amount of shit we threw each other on the daily, I always knew you kind of liked me and I kind of liked you too. I can feel you panicking and growing angry. Stop. Like I said, I don’t really care anymore.

You became one of Tadashi’s friends because you always see each other at parties. Tadashi’s funniest stories always seem to involve you, frigid as you are.

We never really talked properly before, and I guess it doesn’t matter if we ever do. If you’re wondering how I knew, _no_ , it wasn’t Tadashi who told me. He’s not like that.

Your friends were just too obvious, and you kind of were too. You’d smile that terrifying, admittedly kind of cute, smile of yours and they’d cause a ruckus whenever we would pass by the school gym. I even saw your friend literally point at me _multiple_ times.

To be honest, I don’t even know why I’m writing _you_ this letter. As a thank you, I guess? Because for a while, you inspired me and made me feel good about myself.

I never hated you, you know. I was being kind of obvious too, and part of me really hoped you noticed. I hope you know that a person out there sees you and likes what they see. Not just the _king of the court, tall and handsome,_ Kageyama Tobio. But the Kageyama Tobio that stupidly rubs the back of his neck when he gets a little shy. The Kageyama Tobio who has a habit of randomly touching both of his ears. The Kageyama Tobio who scrunches his nose when he lets out a rare _little too hard_ laugh in the hallways.

It’s always been funny to me how small our world always seems to be. How close we are to each other. We were just too different. I was known around school, but I was fairly normal. You and your friends were just too _untouchable_ , I guess. You were always too high for me to reach.

Parallel lines that no matter how close, will never really meet.

Tadashi is stupid but I’ve always believed that he has a good judge of character. He has nothing but good to say about you, even the way you are. I wish you a happy life, Tobio.

**(EDIT 11/20/2022: I saw your face in one of the biggest billboards in the city today. Guess I can brag about one of the most famous volleyball players in the world having a crush on me back then, thank you for that)**

Love,

A fan of yours

**(EDIT 11/20/2022: I still am. I really am happy for you. I know we don't really talk anymore. Not like we ever talked much when we _finally_ gotten around to actually speaking to each other. But no matter how big you get, I hope you know there's little people from our little town that will always be rooting for you.)**

03/19/2019

Dear Koutarou,

This is probably the most embarrassing letter I will ever have to write. Not because it’s embarrassing to write a love letter to Koutarou Bokuto, I'm sure you've received over a hundred of these so it's nothing new to you, but because it’s really embarrassing for a person like me to write something so honest and _pure._ Please never let Tetsu or any of our other friends see this letter if you ever get your hands on it, because I will _never_ hear the end of it.

I’m in love with you. But not in the way most people in school are. And certainly not in the way Keiji is. I’m in love with how you are. What you are. I’m in love with you, not in the way where I want to kiss you or marry you or anything. _God forbid._ I’m in love with you in a way where I love hearing stories about your life. I love being in your life. I love how _alive_ you are. I’m in love with you in a way where you gave me a lot of happiness and I just wanted you to have a lot of happiness as well. 

I’m in love with you platonically, to be more straight (not that either of us are).

I love how you played volleyball. I love how passionate and hardworking you were about it. I love how confident you are when you talk. Others would probably disagree and say that sometimes you’re _too much_ , but I disagree. I like you just the way you are. Maybe I’m biased. You could ask Keiji and Tetsu about it (on second thought, maybe they’d be even _more_ biased).

I just like you a lot. Maybe more than I liked Koushi. Maybe even more than Tadashi. 

You weren’t perfect, Koutarou. But I loved you anyway. 

I can’t even begin to thank you for teaching me to do things with my heart. 

I used to think you were such an idiot for throwing your heart as hard as you could and running after it. I still do think you’re an idiot. But I also think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever known because of that very reason.

I’m sorry for being so _less_ sometimes. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t want you around. I always do, want you around that is.

People who make me want to be honest just terrify me.

You and Keiji are our family. I’m going to be platonically in love with you for a long time, Kou, I hope you don’t mind.

**(EDIT 02/04/2023: This is still such an embarrassing letter no matter how many times I read it. Thanks for the postcards you and Keiji send us almost every week. Tetsu and I miss you both an awful lot. Visit us as soon as your honeymoon's over, please. I've hoarded on the cookies you love too much, just for you.)**

Love,

Kei

10/28/2023

Dear Tetsu,

Oh, _my love_ , I fucking hated you the moment that we met. You were just so… _you_ back then. Cunning Kuroo Tetsurou, who was always plotting, and who could probably either intimidate or flirt his way out of anything. All cunning gazes and teasing smirks and easy touches. I didn’t even know why Koushi became friends with you in the first place.

And don’t even lie, I knew how much you hated me back then too. I knew how disgusted you were with the thought of even sharing the same space as me. I used to hear you mumbling about me having a thick long stick up my ass all the fucking time.

I would get automatically irritated the moment someone says your name. Your presence itself irked me. God, how my blood would boil at the mere _thought_ of you. It’s funny, now that I think about it. Why did we even hate each other so much?

I sometimes forget how I went from wanting to choke the life out of you, to wanting to love you for the rest of my life. I guess we have Mr. Ukai to thank for that.

I remember that bloody project where we were assigned as partners. How did we even end up taking the same class when we were two years apart? I remember the look of horror that crossed your usually calm face when Mr. Ukai announced exactly that. And I would have laughed back then, Kuroo Tetsurou, if I wasn’t as horrified as you were.

I didn’t know when I started willingly saying more than a hundred words to you in the span of one day. I didn’t know when our intentional jabs turned into good natured teasing. I didn’t know when your touches went from provoking to comforting, flirty even. I didn’t know when I started to look at you and think that you were handsome (Stop pouting, I always thought you were handsome. Just took a long time for me to admit it to myself). I didn’t know when we started prolonging our project sessions just so we could spend more time together. When did our sessions even turn from 50% fights to 50% learning about each other? When did Kou and Keiji even started hanging out with us all the time?

That term was a series of arcades and empty gyms and convenience stores and parks and cheap restaurants and Keiji and Kou and you and me. I’m not sure about the timeline, Tetsurou. I just know that somewhere along the way, I fell in love.

I loved how accepting you were. No matter how high and big you got, you never made me feel like I couldn’t reach you. You were like that with other people too, and I admired you for it. I admired your contrasts. How you couldn’t care less about half the things around you, but so passionate and intense about the other half. I loved how strong you were. I loved how gentle and careful you became with me. You took care of me, and you let me take care of you.

Akiteru absolutely detested you at first, and it was no surprise. I always brought you home back then for our project. You and your atrocious raven hair and your all dark red and black closet and your leather jacket and your loud motorcycle and your devil may care façade. (Akiteru loves you now, by the way, I’m sure you know that too. He’s sorry for judging you then. And he probably loves you more than he loves me now. It’s okay. ~~I love you more than I love me too~~ )

I spent a year getting to know you, and I’m getting to know you still. I remember how each day passed with me just falling deeper and deeper into your hole. You let me hear you sing and played your guitar for me. You let me meet the most precious beings to you, your three adorable cats. You let me see you in your softest, in your weirdest, in your happiest, and in your most vulnerable.

I knew you loved me back, even before you said you did.

When you kissed me for the first time, I knew exactly why it was never going to be Koushi and I. I confirmed that leaving things with Tadashi the way they are was the right decision. I knew why it didn’t matter if Tobio and I were worlds apart.

Because it was going to be me and you. There was never gonna be anyone else for me. 

I've always wondered why I never gotten around to writing you a letter when we were younger. I wrote one for Keiji and Kou, and a few other boys too. But I think, I understand now.

I could never put into words how much I loved you. And even as I'm reaching the end of this letter, I don't think it will ever be quite enough. 

Tetsurou, you are every word and every letter, every song I put on my playlist, every line in any movie that has ever touched my heart, and every place I have ever loved.

Saying _"because of you, I will always have a home"_ doesn't even begin to cover how much I love you in all the ways possible, but it's a start. _You_ are my home Tetsurou, and you are so much more than that.

I should be sleeping because we have to be in church by 10 AM tomorrow and there’s just so much to prepare for our special day but I just love you so fucking much, Tetsurou Kuroo. Sometimes I love you too much, it knocks all the oxygen out of me.

It’s 3 AM as I write this. And you’re sleeping on the bed right next to me, and I can’t keep myself from smiling because you're snuggling into my side. You’re snoring and drooling just a little bit, and your hair is as atrocious as ever, but I still think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

You weren’t my first love, Tetsurou Kuroo. Or the love that set the biggest fire to my heart. But you are the love that mattered most. The love that I will forever hold the closest to my heart. You are the love that I will do everything to be my last.

Love,

Your firefly. forever, starting tomorrow.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm sien and i'm a little new on anitwt, lets talk there please i want to make friends!!! <3 Here's the link to my [twitter](https://twitter.com/arxhabaki) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/arxhabaki) <3 tell me what you think about this one! <3


End file.
